Surviving Weddings

Love one another and you will be happy.  It's as simple and as difficult as that. - Michael Leunig

Weddings are the happiest day of young couples life, so it stands to reason that for a truly joyous union there has to be misery and stress. To avoid lady luck picking you up as the unhappy person follow this fail-safe guide.

The Outfit: 

   You want to keep it simple for the bride, and an utter nightmare for everyone else. Make sure you know what colour the bridesmaids are wearing and what the colour scheme of the flowers or wedding is. A good tip is to stock up on dresses in the January sales. Weddings are like buses, you wait years for one and three come along at once.

When picking your outfit go for pretty, delicate, non-slutty, unaggressive styles and comfortable heels, as you will be on your feet all day, all night and most likely will have to deal with grass, cobblestones, stairs and all the major hazards. 

Hats:

    IT is not compulsory to wear a hat at a wedding but if it goes with your outfit and you want to make an impression, why not?

RSVP:

    You have to RSVP promptly and politely to wedding invitations, ideally on the cards supplied whether you can attend or can't think of anything worse. 

When replying to the invite casually call and find out the programme, religion and any additional points to navigate. Outside? Inside? Buffet? Will you need a shall? Heel size? If an overnight stay is required  RSVP really early. You will need to sort out hotel and a place to stay, if it has not been arranged. 

Wedding Lists:

    If they have a wedding list, go for it! Give them what they want and save yourself hours of agony, even if all you can afford is a sugar-bowl lid, so be it. If no list is available why not some money to spend on their honeymoon? 

Food:

    Have a full English that morning as you might not see food for a long time. There is the service, the photos  the line-up, and all manner of rituals, and alcoholic moments to get threw.. So line your stomach.

Jive Bunny: 

    Under no circumstances are you to hit the dance floor before the newly weds share their first dance.

Exits: 

    Know when to leave. It is considered bad luck to leave before the cake cutting, and thanks to American movies it is also considered back luck to leave before the bride has tossed the bouquet.

Pre-booking a taxi, always leave them wanting more. If you arrive knowing when you are leaving you can calculate how long you mingle, how long you drink, how long you turn the charm.. And so on.

Share and Share Alike: 

    Don't hog the bride and groom in conversation. They have to circulate, meet and greet.

What To Say:

    If your at a loss for words, small talk is always the best conversation starter

           Bride - you look lovely, who made your dress?

          Groom - She looks beautiful, where did you get her (put in as appropriate)

          Best man - Great speech, did that really happen?

          In-Laws bride and groom side - You must be very proud

Get Your Best Side

    Always be nice to the wedding photographer.

And finally you may not slap the wandering hands of a lecherous drunken relative, your parents will never let you live it down.

Happy Shopping Fellow Shopaholics!